What NOT to Do in Writing 2 (#BadWritingTips)

Verification that it actually happened.

Due to having tailored trends on, I received a chockload of #BadWritingTips in my personalized trends box. 

If you are a fellow writer, you might have received the same thing, because quite a lot of people in the niche were doing the same thing.

So, as a change (and as a semi-totally-not-a-sequel of my post about #storycraft) I'll let some of the top "experts" explain what not to do. In typical Twitter style.

10 Bad Writing Tips

  1. @SteveHuffUse as many different synonyms for "said" as possible, he ejaculated.
  2. @CivilWarWriter Corollary: Use your thesaurus but not your dictionary.
  3. @CupOfTeaEnd every chapter with 'AND THEN HE WOKE UP!'
  4. @AdvicetoWritersTell, don't show.
  5. @JPosnanskiDon't forget to have your protagonist take naps.
  6. @JasonArnoppChallenge your audience by making every third word "trousers". "I'll make trousers an offer trousers can't refuse."
  7. @ChuckWendingIn fantasy, one must express a character's exoticness with apostrophes and clustered consonants. Ex: LORD K'THRK'VSSHH''NG.
  8. @VictorGischlerIf you get stuck, plagiarize.
  9. @faustfataleShowcase your creativity with elaborate genital metaphors like "her sweet cream-filled lady biscuit."
  10. @ScaryDuck: End every chapter with "Little did they know, it was a decision that would come back to haunt them." Just like Dan Brown

And as a bonus 11:

@aaron_glaser: Use your own blood.
Creepy, eh?

My Own Snippets:

I was also around when this was semi-trending, so here's my insight:

  • Don't have the protag do ANYTHING! Everyone else can do his/her work.
  • It's okay if your girl MC throws away her life for the man she met last week. Tons of books do it! Like Twilight!
  • In love triangles, have one (male) lover be a best friend from Pre-K, another a misunderstood stranger.
  • Your story's school doesn't have to be original. It isn't like anyone cares.
  • Screw reality! No one marries anyone outside their high school.
  • Use the phrase "said the X that was Y". Totally not awkward.
  • The MC doesn't have to be interesting. The ensemble will be the fan favorites.
  • Write like Lemony Snicket and you're guaranteed to be good!
  • It's not wrong that your sitting position keeps you from reaching the keyboard. .
  • Don't worry if your character is not emotional. It's not like your reader wants to emphasize for him or anything.
  • Have best friends in your MS? Pair them. ALL of them! Everyone want them together!

By the way, I will be writing at least one blog post based on one of these "tips".


And there! A quick glimpse at Twitter and how various writers express their disadvice. Feel that you learned something? Maybe this will flare up again, and we'll get an even more useful cream of the crop out of this trend. 

Until next time though, I'll refrain from the lists of tips.

YOUR TURN: Do you have any #BadWritingTips tweets to share?

IF YOU LIKED THIS: Go ahead and Tweet this post! And use the hashtag #BadWritingTips while you're at it.