Random Writing Excerpt from Manifestation Files

Just as I promised yesterday, here's an one-page excerpt from Manifestation Files, my current novel project:


            Finn stood by the porch door, his hand two inches from the wooden handle. He froze into place, wearing a bewildered expression. He was also fully dressed. Stashed to the side was his backpack.
            I found myself suppressing the smile creeping up. I would like to see Finn deny what he was doing under my watch. In secret. For days.
            "It's awfully late, you know." I said, placing a hand against the wall.
            "Umm..." Finn rubbed the back of his head. "I was just getting a midnight snack."
            I nodded tentatively. Flimsy excuse. "Then why are you dressed?"
            "Why are you dressed?"
            I irked. Of course I didn't think that over. Our confrontation was inevitable. So I pulled out another defense and pointed at his backpack. "Then why do you have your backpack here?"
            Finn stared at it.
            This time, he didn't have a counter-attack. I rubbed my sweating palms. Any second now, he would confess. It better had to be worth both of our trouble, or someone was going to be in deep, deep, trouble. Or at least, one of us would have some blackmail material. But it would be dishonorable for me to use that and threaten to show Mom.
            Instead of a confession, Finn looked at me and said. "I think you should go back to your room and go to sleep."
            Shock and confusion. Wait, why would he—
            Drowsiness washed over me.


Now, when I originally sent this, I provided absolutely no context.Not even the title of it (although that would clue on that the drowsiness at the end is most likely magic-induced, or something similar). Yet, I chose this page because it has a large fraction of a scene that's among a chain of events that set off the main action.

Personally, the narrator sounds a little too unsympathetic here, and the prose's slightly dry and compressed, but it was good enough to get me into the club.

YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts on this page?